I have a book I’m reading that I don’t want to finish. It’s so good that I can’t bring myself to read the last five pages. I just can’t bear for it to end. It’s Barbara Brown Taylor’s latest, An Altar in the World.
It’s a book about practicing and finding spiritual moments in the real world. Like when your electricity goes out. Or you are in pain. Or you happen to look at yourself in the mirror after your shower and like what you see. Or more likely, don’t like what you see.
I think what I love most about the book is the message of non-judgment. As I learn more about Jett, and his diagnosis, the more I realize almost all my parenting mistakes with him come from the fear of being judged. This past weekend, as we celebrated his birthday at a very public amusement park, he squealed, he shrieked, he jumped up and down with joy. He fit right in. And if he didn’t, I tried not to notice.
The chapter of the book that I’m reluctant to finish talks about prayer. Especially prayer for those of us who suck at praying. I’m really hoping that being present to Jett this weekend, and loving him for all his quirks, is seen as prayer. Because I mean it as such. I still feel judged sometimes. But I try really hard not to let it bother me.