What kind of parent am I?

There is a lot of activity in the ASD blogging community lately about taking care of yourself. Lots of these moms are putting down their parenting books, their Asperger’s books, their Sensory Processing Disorder books, and they are going running, buying novels and generally doing more relaxing.

And I look at all my books, the same books these ladies have been up late at night reading. Mine have been gathering dust on the bookshelf for two months now.

I tried reading them. I really did. And then I starting having daily panic attacks. So I put them away.

Now I don’t know any more than I did about Asperger’s. And I wonder if I’m doing Jett a disservice? Isn’t my job as a parent to learn all I can about his disability so I can be the best advocate for him? Instead I have put my head in the sand in order to take care of myself.

I KNOW that self care is super important. But child care is just as important. In our daily teeter-totter life I worry I’ve been anchoring myself to the ground and leaving Jett dangling in the air. It’s time to rise up slowly to meet him. So we can balance together.


About morelikeaveragemom

I'm a stay home mom with 3 kids. I am simply figuring it out as I go.
This entry was posted in Autism / Asperger Syndrome, Mothering and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to What kind of parent am I?

  1. akbutler says:

    I think you’re right about the balance, but it is tricky to find. We have all those books too – my husband bought 7 of them when our son was diagnosed (my question was why seven? his response: what if one book has one thing in it that helps? I don’t want to miss it ๐Ÿ™‚ Well, we’ve read some of them, skimmed through others, most are on his nightstand. If you read them all cover to cover at first, you’re overwhelmed, scared – just like you said.
    Here’s the thing – I think you DO know more about Asperger’s than you did before because you have been living with your son and experiencing it. It’s corny but my son is my best instructor in this autism class. The books are good guides (some of the sensory activities have been interesting) but one size does not fit all and does not fit all the time. It doesn’t mean you’re a master study. I’m pretty sure none of us are or ever will be because of the very nature of the disorder.
    But, by taking care of YOU, you are taking care of him. In my house, I’m the steady even one. If I am stressed out, everyone else feeds off of that and the chaos comes. If I feel grounded and centered and awake, then I have the ability to deal with my son’s issues and work with the rest of my family on dealing with them.
    Bottom line (long story longer) you are not doing him a disservice, certainly not from what I’ve read from you. Don’t be so hard on yourself ๐Ÿ™‚
    (thanks for the link BTW. and don’t worry, I’m not relaxing at all…)

  2. fiona2107 says:

    I think you have a lot more balance than you realise!
    And akbutler is right, you learn so much more just by “being” with Jett rather than reading.
    For me- I kinda wish I hadn’t filled my head with so much information. Now it’s hard to know what to take on board and what to discard. That’s partly why my head feels like it’s going to explode!
    I really wish that I stopped reading all this info a while back and just chilled a little!
    Personally – I’m in awe of the wonderful sewing that you do and the time that you spend with your children walking to the shop to buy pop rocks!
    These are the kind of things that kids remember. NOT how much their mothers read!
    You are an awesome mom.

  3. madmummy5 says:

    You are not alone, it may freak my friend Fiona out to read that I have NEVER read a book on Autism or Aspergers. I have two sons on the spectrum my oldest is 10.
    I have sourced information through the therapists who work with my children based on their individual needs. I won’t say i have never read anything as I am a google junkie but I have never read a cover to cover book on the subject.
    I parent my children on an individual basis and I don’t read parenting books in general. I think I am doing a fantastic job with all my children(I have 5)and i believe I have so far done well with my boys on the spectrum but really only time will tell.

  4. luau says:

    It’s always a difficult balance, and I think that we wouldn’t be the parents we are if we didn’t fret about taking care of ourselves. However, what happens to Jett if you DON’T take care of yourself and you eventually breakdown (whether it be physically, mentally or emotionally)? By taking care of ourselves, we make sure that we are capable, supporting, loving parents over the long haul. Taking care of our kids is a marathon not a sprint.

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