Warning: selfishness lies ahead

I didn’t get invited to a birthday party (hey – I warned you this was a selfish, self-indulgent post).

Once I got past the initial sting, I tried to analyze the situation.

I haven’t seen her much – in fact only a couple of times all summer. And that made me realize how isolated we are socially. We don’t take Jett to many playdates or group outings because it’s so hard. I’m not on my best while we are there. I feel judged if his behavior is less than great. And I feel stressed, tense, and uncomfortable just waiting to see how he will act. Which is not the best way to make or maintain friendships. No one wants to be friends with the girl who is hovering uncomfortably over her child nitpicking his behavior. Or I ignore it completely, which is also perhaps an error in judgment.

We hardly ever invite people to our house.

So the invitations have dwindled for us too.

The irony? By feeling left out today I am getting to experience a little of Jett’s suffering. I imagine he also feels left out of groups, and like he’s constantly on the fringe. I don’t have Asperger’s, but I feel confused, like the rules of social engagement are lost to me. It makes me want to give him a big hug for his pain.

See? I told you…. utterly selfish.

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About morelikeaveragemom

I'm a stay home mom with 3 kids. I am simply figuring it out as I go.
This entry was posted in Autism / Asperger Syndrome, Grown People and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

10 Responses to Warning: selfishness lies ahead

  1. akbutler says:

    sigh. I know all too well how you feel. And it’s not selfish. It’s your blog. This is the place to share that, because we all understand…

  2. Marion says:

    Hey–part of having kids is not seeing or talking to your friends as much. Yes, it sucks and I hate it. Sounds like you’ve been left out by a friend who doesn’t understand that. Her problem, not yours. Sorry for the sting! I’ve had that happen recently, too. šŸ˜¦ But you better practice drinkin’ for my 40th party cuz you’re definitely getting an invite to that! Love ya girl!

  3. Rhiannon says:

    Oh PLEASE. You call that selfish? You’d have to stand on a chair to even SEE selfish from where you are.

    On a serious note, I know it stings. I wasn’t invited to a birthday party of a friend a few months ago and it hurt me so badly I cried. I saw all the facebook photos of everyone having a great time and it just made my stomach sink.

    I think you’re an amazing parent and an amazing girl, and I love the hell right out of you.

    • I cried too. And then was mad for being thrown back into my early teenage years. Which were painful enough to not want to repeat. EVER.

      That said, wanna come over? We have a plethora of birthdays to celebrate this month. Want to help? šŸ™‚

  4. fiona2107 says:

    OH!
    You’re breaking my heart!
    I understand your pain SO much!
    We have also been left out of a lot since dx and it really DOES sting. I had never thought of likening it to how my poor son must feel *sigh*
    You are an awesome mom and they are missing out.
    (hugs)

  5. Kelley says:

    It’s painful to not be invited. If it’s an event involving kids, and you are not invited, it’s painful to wonder if it’s you or your kid that isn’t wanted there (or both). If it doesn’t involve kids, it’s painful to think that taking care of this child you love so much might ruin your social life. If you do get invited…that can be painful, too, when you feel out of place. It’s a lot like high school!

  6. Jillian G says:

    I just found your blog, but this:

    “Iā€™m not on my best while we are there. I feel judged if his behavior is less than great. And I feel stressed, tense, and uncomfortable just waiting to see how he will act. Which is not the best way to make or maintain friendships. No one wants to be friends with the girl who is hovering uncomfortably over her child nitpicking his behavior. Or I ignore it completely, which is also perhaps an error in judgment.”

    so perfectly expresses how I feel anytime I’m in a group setting with my daughter, especially in public.

    I want to be your friend. Sorry I don’t have any birthday parties to offer until May. šŸ˜‰

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