I didn’t get invited to a birthday party (hey – I warned you this was a selfish, self-indulgent post).
Once I got past the initial sting, I tried to analyze the situation.
I haven’t seen her much – in fact only a couple of times all summer. And that made me realize how isolated we are socially. We don’t take Jett to many playdates or group outings because it’s so hard. I’m not on my best while we are there. I feel judged if his behavior is less than great. And I feel stressed, tense, and uncomfortable just waiting to see how he will act. Which is not the best way to make or maintain friendships. No one wants to be friends with the girl who is hovering uncomfortably over her child nitpicking his behavior. Or I ignore it completely, which is also perhaps an error in judgment.
We hardly ever invite people to our house.
So the invitations have dwindled for us too.
The irony? By feeling left out today I am getting to experience a little of Jett’s suffering. I imagine he also feels left out of groups, and like he’s constantly on the fringe. I don’t have Asperger’s, but I feel confused, like the rules of social engagement are lost to me. It makes me want to give him a big hug for his pain.
See? I told you…. utterly selfish.