Another excellent blogger, Alysia, wrote a post today about the need for a day off from Asperger’s. Her son, Howie, is a bit younger than Jett, and her posts, which are excellently written, serve as reminders to me about how far we have come since Jett was 4. He has luckily outgrown most of his major meltdowns and tantrums.
We still have battles though.
I noticed going through his writing samples from school the word “freak” was cropping up often. It also came out in conversation about his brother and boys at school. So J and I sat down with him one night for an enlightening conversation.
Us: Jett, do you feel like a freak?
Jett: Yes.
Us: Why?
Jett: Because I’m different from the other kids. I can’t go to normal places without something bothering me. Like it’s too loud, or Letty poops and the smell bothers me. Or the food is weird.
Us: You aren’t a freak, honey. And every person who ever did anything worthwhile in this world was different from other people.
He says that little conversation helped him feel better, but for me it illustrated how ingrained his feelings of inadequacy and difference are. And my question once again is how much of this is developmentally appropriate and how much is specific to Jett and his Aspergers? One of the developmental books I have read states “7 year olds live life in a minor key”. And it’s true, when talking to other parents, their kids are also worried about friendships and fitting in.
And for Jett’s sake, as well as my own, I wish we could just take a day off.
There is a political rally this coming weekend for public education. How I wish we could attend. But the crowds, the noise, the weather, it all conspires to make that event hell for my family. So we won’t be going.
We will do something else instead. Something that keeps my son from feeling like a “freak”. Something that celebrates who he is, and his place in the world.
Because we can’t take a day off. We can only make the best of each other. Whatever that looks like for us.
More Like Average Mom 
Julie,
We have three kids: Rachel (11), Hugh (8), and Casten (6).
We haven’t finished diagnosing Hugh yet.
I came to a realization the other day that made me ill. All the extra attention and resources Hugh requires to manage his condition leaves the other kids at a real deficit.
Lori and I had long detected a resentment in Rachel toward Hugh. Now we know its roots and a way to confront it.
Casten isn’t old enough to know yet. He’s not embarassed by his brother’s behavior in public. He doesn’t try to keep his friends away from Hugh. He doesn’t yet know the reasons why his older brother often treats him that way.
My worst fear is that as his siblings outgrow him, all he’ll have left is us. If he ever finds an angel, she’ll be as much nurse and counselor as wife.
I’ve had that same conversation with Hugh many times. Our constant analogy is Bruce Banner. Hugh knows that his uniqueness will change the world, but it’s a constant responsibility to check.
Good luck with the testing and diagnosis. It’s the first step in a long journey that will hopefully bring some healing and closure (of sorts) to your family. And yes, I’m familiar with trying to spread attention to the other kids… not always easy at all.
I hope you and Lori are able to find the help you need. You are both great parents!
Hi Julie,
Sorry I’ve been so slack with my blog reading lately!
THis post resonated with me a LOT!
I too wish that sometimes we could just take a day off 😦
You are a wonderful Mom, your answers to Jett were perfect!
(( hugs ))