Homeschool fail

Big meeting tomorrow. J and I are meeting with the public school in our neighborhood to discuss enrolling Jett.

I feel like such a failure.

What I had hoped to do for a year, I didn’t even manage for an entire semester.

To say homeschool has been unsuccessful with him is so true. But still only half the story. We have achieved some of our goals. We are functioning more smoothly as a family. We have spent all our waking hours together for the last six months, and while that hasn’t been without it’s bumps, split lips, and skinned knees, our trip to Disney wouldn’t have been so smooth if we weren’t used to spending all our time together.

All that time together, though, has it’s downside. I’ve talked in this blog before about our boys being a unit, for better or for worse. I would like them to make some friends outside our circle of five.

Homeschooling a child on the Autism Spectrum turned out to be more than I could handle. Jett repeatedly requested routine and structure. And while I can have a rhythm to our day, I just don’t have the kind of life (or personality) that allows us to work on math from 8:15-8:45, spelling from 8:45-9:30, etc. I have to go to the grocery store, and Letty has preschool. Those errands alone were enough to throw him for a loop.

The social pressures were hard too. Often whenever we went somewhere during the day, he was the oldest kid by several years. And he doesn’t play well with kids his own age, a playground full of preschoolers is not a breeding ground for positive social development!

Mostly, though, he and I couldn’t make it work together. He would refuse to do some part of his work most days, and we ended up fighting about everything.

I’m hoping the meeting goes well tomorrow. I still don’t think public school is the whole answer, but I’m trying to shed MY wants and focus on Jett’s needs. I may think project based learning and thinking outside the box sounds fantastic, but Jett’s black and white, literal brain needs something different.

And, frankly, I’m tired of thinking about it. I just want to find a school he can attend with a teacher who can be his teacher, and not his mom, too.

He and I have both learned that’s an important boundary to honor.